episode 101

Healing Motherhood Begins w/ Self Connection



The foundation of emotional issues postpartum (and many physical ones) is a disconnect from you to yourself.

As we become moms, we throw ourselves into Motherhood SO committedly and so fully, that we often lose touch with who we are. This creates problems under the surface in our body and psyche that actually create physical symptoms, as well as depressiveness and anxiety. Join in today as I share thoughts and ideas with you that will ACTUALLY get you spending the time you know you should be spending on and with yourself. You need it, I'll get you started--listen in.
Show Notes

Hello, Hello, everybody! You guys, I am in lovely Arizona, we’ve been here for about a week. I’m at my parents home here that they don’t use as often anymore. And it is so beautiful. So for all of my Phoenix, Mesa, Gilbert, wherever you are in Arizona people aren’t we lucky?! And there’s also like, apparently a very bad storm happening up in Denver. So I feel so lucky. 

I actually want to share a little bit about why we’re here vacationing wintering from a couple of weeks, maybe more, we’re scheduled to stay for two weeks. That’s just what we originally committed to. And I’m definitely thinking it needs to be six weeks, or at least four.

So I’ll let you know. But the reason we’re here is because last February, there were a series of snowstorms. And we were basically in our home for about 10 days straight. Now post pandemic, that doesn’t sound that bad. We’ve all spent a lot of time in our home this year. But I was raised in the desert, I am used to lots of sunshine. And so not only was it like the winter, more blue light from the sun, but it was also a lot of time inside and I got depressed, you guys. And I actually did an episode on seasonal depression. It’s somewhere here on the podcast. You can go search for that. 

But I decided to be proactive and try to help my body out and my mind. So we scheduled this trip during the kind of late February, early March, which is usually the heaviest snowfall in Denver. And here we are. And I’m so proud of myself because I did that for me. 

So that actually brings me to today’s lovely episode, which is all about connection with yourself. And specifically, connection with your body, because your body is half of you. There’s your mind, and then there’s your body. I don’t know if it’s fair to say half and half because they’re just so interconnected in ways that we don’t even understand. But fostering a connection between the language of your mind, which is words, and the language of your body, which is sensation and being able to capitalize and maximize on the connection you have to yourself by understanding both of those languages and being able to use them in a way that they relate to each other. 

The first time I was ever depressive was after the birth of my second child I had never ever experienced really anxiety or depression other than maybe, during midterms in college or something like that more situational.

But the first time I was unexplainably, anxious and depressive was, like I said after Rozlyn, my second child. And at the time, I had a lot of hard feelings towards my extended family that lived in the area. Now spoiler alert, it wasn’t them. It was me, which is something we’re about to talk about and explore. But my main thought at the time that actually not only caused me emotional pain and further isolated me into my depressiveness but also created physical health challenges. 

Did you know that your emotions can cause physical stuff when we I’ll tell you about it? The thought was, I’m not supported. They’re not supporting me, I’m unsupported, which was really interesting. And I kind of thought this about my husband, but he kind of had a write off in my mind because he was a student who was still finishing his degree as a mechanical engineer at the university, ASU. So I really kind of had this energy and frankly, it doesn’t matter who the subject line of your thoughts is or are okay, because I want you to know that every thought that you think is really about you. So I was thinking they’re not supporting me, which really was I’m not supporting me. I didn’t know that at the time though.

And I actually developed a cyst somewhere in my abdomen area that like, in one of my organs. I don’t know if it was in my ovaries or we don’t know where it was. But we had because it had already burst by the time that I went into the ER and had them do an ultrasound. So they could see that it had burst and they suspected an infection was beginning and so I got on antibiotics. But there’s a book that I use with my clients and that really helps me understand the connection between physical symptoms and disease and sickness and emotions. It’s called “Feelings Buried Alive Never Die” by Karol K. Truman. So I was looking in that book.

I actually, that book was not in my library, it was a friend down the street who was kind of a yogi Reiki kind of a lady, Val Randall, you know who you are, you’re so awesome. And she lent me her book, feelings buried alive, never die. And I looked up the cyst, or also, I don’t remember exactly what they told me that it had been. It was inside of my body, right, and the area that it was and the type of thing that it was, I looked that up in the book, and what it registered for, like the thought patterns and the emotions is self pity and feeling alone. And that was the first time in my life that I really kind of bent into this idea that emotions and physical symptoms totally go hand in hand that everything that physically manifests, does have an emotional foundation. 

Now, there’s more to that. And I think there are some exceptions, and really like the way that we walk, for example, if our hips are out, it’s going to create pain. And I don’t know that you can say that that’s necessarily emotionally, but maybe. So anyway, that was a turning point in my journey towards healing, but I kind of just tucked it away and saved it for later, it was something that I didn’t understand.

And I really just had to focus on surviving and thriving as a mom with my little kids. So the point of me sharing that is that I had no clue that when I thought that other people were not supporting me, the real issue was that I was not supporting me. I was desperate for connection and for care of myself, and I genuinely had no idea that I could support myself. I thought, probably I’m guessing, I don’t know. But I think I probably thought that that was a nice gesture or idea. But I really only associated support from coming without me like from the outside from somebody else. I had no clue that I could learn to support and heal and care for myself better than anybody else could. I didn’t know that I was capable of doing that. And I didn’t know that.

My relationship with myself would be where healing was found out. It’s in its truest purest form. Right? So are there other people that can help us heal? Absolutely. Are there other things that are at play besides emotions, like hormones? Yes, especially if you’re exclusively breastfeeding. You know, oestrogen and progesterone are low. So that and it can sometimes can sometimes a medical approach be useful to help your mind and body.

But none of those external things can address your healing and support your healing the way you can. With a mind body connection when you are connected to yourself, the most crucial thing and I really want you to hear me on this, the most crucial thing that you can do postpartum for your healing and thriving is to develop a supportive, loving connection with yourself, mind and body. So in this episode, I’m going to share three reasons to connect with yourself like me to really help you buy into doing this because it’s uncomfortable, and we’re going to talk about that and it doesn’t come easily. For all of us at the beginning, it’s a journey back to yourself. 

Because all growing up, we’re taught to give and we’re taught to serve and love others, which I am not saying that that is not what we want. And actually, we’re going to find out through this episode, that being more connected with yourself actually empowers and enables you to love and give so much more to other people. But a lot of times we try to do all those good Christian things without first fundamentally creating a connection with ourselves. And that’s when we’re really at risk for getting lost in the process of becoming resentful, inauthentic, inflexible along the way.

Three Reasons to Connect with Yourself

So like I said, I’m going to share three reasons to connect with yourself. And then the ways that you will create the connection will just come to you and I didn’t want to give you ideas or tell you, I mean, I am going to tell you a few ways that I like to connect with myself just to kind of wet your brain as far as like, you know the ideas for you. But I really believe that the best way to come up with ways to connect with yourself is intuitively and you will naturally do that, once you have the reasons that I’m going to share with you today. Alright, so before we dive into the reasons real quick, I’m going to just share a few things just to inspire. Maybe these are some things you already do. But a few ways that I love to connect with myself. I love so many different ways to do this. I have been walking just this morning. I was walking and sometimes I listened to scriptures or a podcast but a lot of times I liked it even more lately.

I like to just listen to the trees, and breathe, and connect with the nature outside of me to the nature within me. So, so much breathing, just the breath has been with us since we were born. Since we began. And I find that when I connect with my breath, it’s all true grounding, it’s very, no matter what thoughts I have going on, no matter what feelings I have happening, I can just find solace there for a minute. And then I come back to the thoughts and the feelings a little bit more grounded and more calm, more clear headed. 

I love yoga, I wouldn’t say that I’m a yogi, I probably am somewhere past beginner, but not much farther along. But I love yoga, because it’s like walking into all the different bedrooms in my house, and just taking an inventory of everything that’s there.

Except, it’s not like imagining everything that’s really messy, although some spaces are messy. But I just get to like, this is a metaphor, of course. But it’s like walking around your house and seeing everything you love and just breathing it in and smiling like it’s mine. That’s how I feel like yoga is for your body. There’s just so many opportunities to get feedback and stuff. Anyway, I could talk about that all day. Suffice it to say, I like yoga. 

I love journaling. I love just staring at a candle or journaling by the candle. I love hot tubbing so much anything with water, I gave birth to my second baby in water. I love looking up at the stars and just thinking about God and what could be out there and just maybe how He lives. 

I love songwriting, poetry and music and writing those things. I love, this might sound silly, but I love looking at myself in the mirror and saying hello. And like really trying to find the person behind my eyes. I love listening to a bedtime story and telling stories to my kids as long as I’m not too tired. 

So these are the ways that I just love to spend time with me. Okay, um, I want to preface the three reasons to like, and when I say reasons, they’re really just thoughts that I’m offering you that I believe will really motivate you. These are thoughts that I live from. And I have a really, really solid connection to my body to myself, although it’s something I’m constantly improving on. And I just want to share them with you. 

So before I do, though, I wanted to say that your relationship with yourself starts like a date. I want to set up expectations, Kay, because your relationship with yourself starts like a first date. It kind of is like a first date, when you first get started in this relationship with yourself, you guys.

There are awkward pauses, there are moments where you accidentally talk over each other. There are moments where you’re asking questions simply out of politeness and to keep the conversation going. Right, but from the sheer presence of just being there, the presence, the gift of your presence, that is where the first sparks of connection can start. 

It doesn’t always feel glorious and juicy and magical, like I make it sound here on the podcast. Or maybe as it seems it is though it can be but it does get that way. You can’t get to a romantic hand holding, you know, beautiful, vulnerable connected relationship with someone that makes your belly twirl and sparkle without that first nervous dance on that first date. 

And so when it comes to these statements that I’m going to share, a new thinking about how you connect with yourself and how you can grow that connection, just know that it will sometimes feel a little weird or boring or like “I’m not sure how to do this” or “what do I do?” on that first few times that you create space. To do, you know, to spend time with yourself but it’s totally worth it. And just like, you know, a married partner that you love and a life you love sharing together there might be ups and downs but it’s worth it the benefits far outweigh the cost. And so I want to offer that that’s how it can be with your connection with your body. Okay.

Thought One

So, the first thought I want to offer is, “When you are connected to yourself, you are connected to all that is.” Let me say that again. Because America specifically is such an individualistic society and I want to offer you this what I believe is to be a truth here which is when you are connected to yourself, you are connected to all that is and to the extent that you are connected with yourself. That is the connection you can feel with others when I am on consults with people. I spend time connecting with myself. And I find that my body can sense you know little things and people’s voices or and I can just have so much insight to you guys. 

I really feel like when we’re connected to ourselves, we are connected to all that is. To food to other people, to animals, like there’s something so holy and so rich. And there’s so much Connection available to us when we first dive deeply into ourselves. When you are connected to yourself, you will know what you need, and you will know it before the doctors do, you’ll have that intuition. When you’re connected to yourself and to the extent that you are, you won’t resent your husband for not getting it postpartum for not understanding you. When you are connected to yourself, you will naturally. Take care of yourself, you won’t over give and end up burned out and anxious and depressive. 

Thought Two 

Okay, the second thought I want to offer you as far as motivation to get connected with yourself Is that your body has all the answers. I’ve said that before on this podcast. But it really is true. Your body knows what it needs to heal. Our bodies are instruments of integrity. Your body knows exactly what it wants and needs to eat and what it doesn’t in order to take care of itself. It’s just a matter of listening. Your body wants to heal from any chronic pains, and it knows how to it’s just a matter of letting it lead. Your body wants to be and knows how to get to an ideal weight. But we aren’t listening so much of the time. 

Now. Just something to say here. If you are having chronic pain, or you are feeling like you’re more heavier in your weight than you want to be. I’m not trying to make you feel guilty, I don’t want you to be hard on yourself and say, “Oh, I’m great. Another thing I haven’t been doing right or haven’t been doing well is not listening to my body.” 

We’re not taught this. And so I just want to extend to you love and compassion. And just know there’s so much hope though there’s this whole secret world inside of our bodies that I don’t mean, I think normally we just associate body with medical and physical but there’s the subtle body, the energetic body, there’s emotions, which are a total mystery to most of us. 

So there’s so much work that you can do in order to have this connection and be so much more in tune with your body.And that will help you make any changes emotionally or physically etc, that you want to make. 

Often we’re just living so much in our mind. Again, because we weren’t taught differently, we forget to listen to the body. And through the generations, I feel like we’ve kind of lost the art over the generations. So I’m like, Don’t worry, it’s making a comeback. Because we are, we are seeing the ramifications of being disconnected to our individual body and relying outside of the body for solutions to heal the body. You know, solutions created by other people who are disconnected from their bodies. All of this is kind of creating this cascade effect in the health industry. And so we’re all getting back to that point. 

Has anybody read “the Goose Girl” by Shannon Hill? This is a favourite book of mine, I found it in college, I’m pretty sure it’s technically like an adolescent read. But it’s fictional. And I adore it. It’s so good. In that book. They talk about how long ago, their ancestors used to know how to speak to animals. But over the years, people became more and more afraid of animals, and more disconnected to them. And now the gift of animal speaking as they call it in the book is so much more rare. 

And I feel like this is true with body speaking. I feel like we as a people as a society as a human race, we used to have the gift and understand body speaking. And it’s something that we got really far away from over the generations. But in this generation, we’re starting to see a return to the body. And I’m really grateful for that. And I can’t wait to see where that takes us. 

Thought Three 

Okay, and then the third. The third thing I wanted to throw out here for you is a connection with your body is worth the weight and the effort. Google, let’s talk about Google for a second. Google’s awesome, you can have the answer you’re looking for in the blink of an eye. But if you think about it, do you really feel a loving connection with the Search Engine Google? You know, like, Google gives you your word and phrase really fast, you put something in really quick and you get something out really quick, moving on. Your body may not bring you your answers in the beginning lightning fast like Google, in fact, probably won’t, you probably won’t have the kind of connection with your body to start with. Where just from a quick sensation, you know that you’re feeling fear, or you can tell that you ate too much or you’re too hungry. Or you’re hungry, right?

These are things that over time, you might figure out. But I want to give you hope and let you know that ultimately, you can start to understand cravings or you can start to understand the sensations that you get. For example, when I go to the massage therapist, my massage therapist puts magnesium on my feet and rubs them and rubs it into my feet before she starts to massage every time. Magnesium was new to me. I mean it’s a nutrient that we need in our bodies, but I hadn’t ever applied it to my body. And it’s no longer found in our food sources with the way that food is produced unless you’re buying from a local farm organically who makes sure to take care and have magnesium in the soil.

Most of us don’t get Magnesium, and we need it to live. And lots of health problems can be created without it. Anyway, I learned all of this afterwards, ok, but all that I noticed was this amazing sensation that would come over me when she would put the magnesium on my body. And later, I started paying attention. You know, I go see her every week. And time after time, I started releasing this was this really interesting, unique special sensation, when she’d put this magnesium on my body. 

And so I experimented and I was like, “maybe this is something that I need more of.” And so I found a reputable source of magnesium that is actually absorbable. Ding, ding, ding, a lot of the pill for magnesium isn’t actually very absorbable. So you want to I have actually, okay, I have to put in a little plug. I have a web, I don’t have it. It’s not my website, it’s called livingthegoodlifenaturally.com. And if you buy any of their magnesium products and use the code, Lizzie10, you get 10% off, which is basically like a tax you don’t have to pay.

So anyway, that is where I bought my magnesium. Magnesium was from living the good life naturally calm. Anyways, so long story short, I was able to sort of like supplement my body’s magnesium supply first, originally just through the sensation that my body would send me when she was putting magnesium on my feet. Later, I happened to have a couple other things I was sorting out, I got a blood panel done from my functional health care practitioner, and it showed that I was short on magnesium. 

And so I had effectively listened to my body sensations, and been able to give myself more magnesium all before I knew that I really was short on magnesium. So this is the relationship you can start to develop. And it really is just a game of guessing check. But you have to hold the space for the awkwardness and the guessing. Right, but just like a relationship, it’s so worth it. 

One last little example I wanted to put out there is like a relationship with a horse. I don’t know about you guys, but I grew up every summer going to Idaho and riding horses. Wyoming and Idaho was where my cousins lived, my aunt’s lived. And I fell in love with, I never really was that great of a cowgirl and a horse woman. But I just love the horse and human relationship. 

And when you are first getting to know a horse, for example, the horse can’t talk to you, right. So you have to start to just read its eyes, read its movements, does it flinch if you use that brush versus the other, but brush, when you tighten the saddle around its belly this tight, it does it you know kind of grunt or grumble or nay or whatever.

And just through these tiny little things here and there, you can start to understand how the horse is feeling. Then maybe when you’re riding the horse, just by the way, it’s galloping after a while you start to you can feel when he’s getting tired, or when he wants to go home and all of that or when he’s hungry, even just by the way that he feels under your body when you’re riding the horse. And so I want you to know that this really is how intuitive and how quickly you can receive feedback from your body. And it’s a magical experience. 

Just like when you have a horse, for example, or maybe substitute any animal that you feel really close to maybe it’s a dog, just like you have that unspoken relationship where you guys almost move as one being because you’re so tight with each other and you know each other’s dislikes and likes and, and maybe, you know, you can just feel almost what your animal is feeling. That is really how it can be with your body. 

The fulfilment that you’d feel how would your life change? If your relationship with your body? Was that close? How would you eat differently, do you think? What might you change about your diet? Or does this make you curious? I hope it does. I hope it makes you curious to listen and be really close to your body and see what you find while you’re eating or whatever else you’re doing. 

How would you hold your kids? Or would you hold your kids? I know one thing my body started to tell me over time, and I’m glad I listened to it but it took me a while to listen. Was my three year olds too heavy for me to hold on my hip anymore without hurting my butt like really doing some damage to my whole back and hip lineup. 

So how would you make a bedtime routine? would you know? Are you really listening to your body and starting to get off electronics and clean up your environment and lay low and wind down when your body wants to? Or are you kind of muscling through fatigue and then expecting your body to just be able to fall asleep all on its own? Even though you’ve had lights on and phones in front of your face for an hour. Right? Who would you? Who would you be? I want you to just consider who you would be with a close relationship with your body.

And on that note, I want to invite you to something really special and amazing that’s happening over here at Lizzie Langston coaching. I am starting a group and I’m going to let the flow of things determine how big or how small it is. But for now there’s about a half a dozen women that are in and they’ve joined, they’ve paid and I want to tell you about it just in case you want to come do this work with us. So if you are needing reinforcement and support and some know how and some accountability reestablishing a relationship with yourself so that you can bypass anxiety and depression in your motherhood. 

I want to invite you to join us, okay, I’m doing, I’m running a group coaching. It’s just a group. It’s like a group core cohort, we’re starting April 2, and we’ll go for three months every Friday at 10am. Mountain Standard Time, we’re going to be meeting and getting coaching on anything, anything is game, I am here to support you guys, I do have a process that I take people through. But in the group setting, I’m going to be guiding that there’s going to be course videos that will be at your disposal that you can kind of use to study throughout the three months. 

But the main core of what you’re getting is coaching with me in a group setting. I really believe that your coaching is her coaching, her coaching is your coaching. All of us together, we are sisters, and we are interconnected. And so we actually are so similar. And that’s one of the things I’m the most excited about with group coaching is after two years of coaching women, one on one and hearing many of us, you know hearing many of you guys feel like, “am I the only one, am I going crazy?” 

This is such a beautiful opportunity to be validated and understand and really feel the relief, which is healing in and of itself of knowing that you’re not the only one that you are not fundamentally broken, broken. It’s not like something’s wrong with you, this is really common. There is no confusion to unwellness there is always a reason it’s just a matter of finding it. And that is my job, my calling my passion and my pursuit in my professional life.

And that’s what I love to do is to help postpartum women and just moms in general. By the way, this group is open to all moms, not just postpartum, but to help you guys really get at the root of the stored emotion in your body and releasing it and getting that transmuted change to light and love so that you are on your way to healing so that you are no longer bound in the low energies of anxiety and depressive illness. shame, guilt, anxiety and depression are all at the very lowest of lows. 

They make you feel like you’re the furthest from God, and I don’t want or you don’t need to suffer like that endlessly. It is $1,000 for three months. You can join us so come book a consult with me if you have any questions or hesitations. It’s just lizzielangstson.com/consult.  I give you free 30 minutes to chat with me about group coaching. We start April 2, okay? If for some reason or if I fully expect I’ve already had people be like, you know what, I don’t even need to do a consult. I just want to pay you. I know I want to love your stuff.

Just email me at lizzie@lizzielangston.com, in lizzielangston.com. And if you email that address and just say hey, I want to join the group, my assistant Felicia will just get you an invoice and you will have your spot and be in and we will start April 2, 10am Mountain Standard. If you have any interest in joining the group or have any questions again, you can hop on a console or you can just email me and my assistant or I will get back to you and give you any answers that you need. 

We love you. We support you. And my hope is that this group coaching program is the balm in Gilead, you know, it’s just I hope that it is like the anointing that you need to get healing going. I’m so grateful to be here with you guys. And we will see you soon. I’ll talk to you on your consult.

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